Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize