nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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