I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
