This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
