I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
