I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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