You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I believe in your delicious
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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