Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
