I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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