I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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