dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
