Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
