I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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