when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
