I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
