he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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