I want to make a zoo with you.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
