i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
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He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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