I think I died a long time ago.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
