He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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