i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
