Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Actions speak louder than pants.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
