At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
