I want to have your abortion
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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