On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
