and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
