You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
