I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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