hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
