video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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