Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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