I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
