He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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