just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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