you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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