you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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