I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
