He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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