Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do herpes really smell.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
