It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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