no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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