He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
