i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
