I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
