Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
from now on my penis is your penis
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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