Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.

(425): View more from Washington

'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas

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(240): View more from Maryland

oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.

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(806): View more from Texas

It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.

(1-806): View more from Texas

It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.

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(516): View more from New York

He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me

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