At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
