quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
