I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
