College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
