I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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