your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
