I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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