Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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