is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
