At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
this just has baby written all over it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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