is your mom at the bar?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
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Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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