i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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