I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
