Are we in a gay sports bar?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
