you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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