Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
