dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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