I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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