After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
