I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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