yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
