I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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