we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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