You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize