its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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