i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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