Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
